Controlled Scribbling

Trip With A Friend

It is the height of absurdity to sow little but weeds in the first half of one's lifetime and expect to harvest a valuable crop in the second half.
-Percy Johnston


I slept late today. Nothing unusual, for certain. Today, instead of crawling to work in the middle of the day to knock off a couple of hours, I decided to stay ranch-side and rope some horses. The washer and dryer need some parts before they can truly be called family. Weeks have passed since we have been able to shower. The crowds that once trampled this stead have slowly dwindled and now there's only me and Sarah. The phone has been on the blink and I don't expect any visitors till at least spring. Sarah hasn't been feeling well and neither of us think there is much hope of her living much longer. I will soon be completely alone, and when the whiskey runs out I'm not sure how I will cope. I piss away most of the day pacing around and listening to music waiting for the evening to come about. The evening is for cocktails which flow deep into the night. The hallucinations have been more frequent but less vexing. They are actually becoming amusing and some are subtly erotic. I haven't gone into the basement for a couple of weeks now, since the first frost. The basement is not mine any more. There is a vivacious pack of spiders that have come in from the fields and claimed it manifest destiny style. There wasn't any whiskey down there and since they're prone to violence, I seceded with out confrontation. The winds are getting colder. The colder the winds become, the more noticeable the lack of insulation is. The sun is as painfully bright as she was in July but she doesn't bring me warmth any more. She will soon wrap herself in thick, gray clouds and leave me until the snows pass. Reading has become nearly impossible with my brain playing tricks on my mind. Sometimes I try. It is difficult to tell whether the words I am reading are the author's or just a trick from my brain. My eyes are good; I trust them but they don't always know the truth. They wouldn't lie to me, they just don't know any better. They are not very clever and they are certainly no match for my devious brain.