Controlled Scribbling


Johnny Schaumburg

Beyond Incidental Circumstance

Halloween to a lot of kids runs a close second to Christmas. However, to Johnny it was first and foremost, without question it was his favorite holiday. He liked the whole setup better than Christmas. There was candy, and lots of it. Some effort had to go into the gathering. Johnny figured a little work had to go into anything worthwhile. This work ethic never seemed to fit quite right with Christmas. Johnny knew how to play the games. He knew each holiday had its specific rules and regulations. Christmas had vague restrictions and didn't reward everyone as equals. This bothered Johnny. For Christmas all you had to do is be good. If you were better than someone else it didn't mean you would be rewarded more generously.

Johnny's father was a highly respected but low ranking storm trooper of the Queens fourth battalion. According to everything Johnny was told this shouldn't matter. It seemed like it did. This Santa fellow, Johnny thought, always seemed to favor the higher ranking, better paid. Year after year, fat William would get the latest in everything and Johnny would get one or two of something, sometimes a secondhand something. Johnny thought Santa was on the take and fat William's dad must have been slipping him money under the table.

Johnny kept these thoughts to himself for fear of starting a war. If Santa was indicted for crimes against the state and humanity a lot of people would go down with him. Johnny knew that the people corrupting Santa must be very powerful. He also knew that very powerful people don't like people pointing accusatory fingers at them and they start wars to cloud the issues to try to weasel out.

It wouldn't bother Johnny to see fat William's dad get sent to the big house. Johnny simply didn't think it was important enough for his father to have to go away to war again.

The regulations for Halloween are very clear and straightforward. Johnny liked this, it made everything much more politically stable. There wasn't any one single power source to be corrupted. Everyone gave as much as they wanted at each house. You can take as much as you want as long as you follow the guidelines. Johnny knew and liked the guidelines. One: wear a costume; two: recite the universal code, 'Trick or Treat,' at every door; and lastly and most restricting, three: do it on Halloween. Johnny enjoyed roaming around his neighborhood to begin with, add collecting candy at each house and it was the perfect day.

Each Halloween everyone, even fat William, would start out with an empty bag. The people who walked furthest and stayed out longest got the most. Johnny liked this a lot. Fat William walked slowly and tired quickly. Johnny didn't have the same love for candy that fat William did but he always collected much more. Johnny would move from house to house with speed and determination. Last year his mother, a sturdy woman with gray hair, grew tired quickly and this year she sent Johnny out by himself. She explained to him the dangers of Halloween and the streetlight factor. Johnny was too preoccupied with thoughts of his day this Halloween to hear the speech verbatim.

Johnny dressed as a double entry bookkeeping I. R. S. agent - this was indeed one of the most terrifying costumes to be seen this year. He headed out early. His first Halloween solo, he made much better time without his mother tagging along. Only a few minutes passed when he got to fat William's house. Fat William had just left with his empty bag. Johnny was already ahead and knew he would end up even further ahead.

Long after fat William went in Johnny was still hammering along. The shadows grew long and Johnny's bag was bulging in every direction. Johnny was tired but obsessed. There's only one day a year this can be done and Johnny was taking it to the limit. The sun set as leaves fell and the streetlights clicked on. Johnny gave them little thought. His mother said he should be in when the streetlights went on, but people were still handing out candy so he went on. He didn't change his course, and the distance between him and his home grew as the night blackened. When his bag couldn't hold another M&M, he turned towards home.

It was dark and cold. Johnny was tired and his bag got heavier as he walked. His mother's voice came into his head as he trudged the miles back to his home. He thought of her warnings of the great overseeing bird of Halloween. When the day was young and the sun was high Johnny wrote these warnings off as just another disciplinary-oriented fairy tale. Now it was dark and quiet and it was an eerie thought.

The idea was every Halloween a great carnivorous bird of unmentionable dimension would come out after the streetlights blinked on and wait for twelve midnight to arrive. If there was anyone still out appearing to be gathering candy, this horror would drop from the sky and rip out the eyes of its victim. A strict punishment for breaking the highly structured rules of Halloween. Johnny tried to put this thought out of his mind. He had no idea what time it was; he thought of how fat William got a shiny gold watch last Christmas.

The wind picked up, filling the sky with clouds, and home seemed farther away.

Suddenly, the sound of a thousand fingernails scraping across a chalkboard covered with algebra problems pierced Johnny's ears. Blacker than the coal-colored sky, a giant bird descended from dizzying heights at a tremendous speed. It came straight towards Johnny. Poor Johnny stood with his eyes wide and mouth gaping. He could not believe. He gazed up the way a baby fawn gazes at the headlights of an eighteen-wheeler that's running late on an open road.

He never thought it could be true. Time stood still for an eternity for a second and then impact. The great, feathered beast struck Johnny hard and with the skill of a highly paid surgeon, it removed Johnny's left eye. The bird shot back up into the heavens as Johnny grabbed his face and dropped to his knees. Blood gushed a warm red which quickly grew cold against his skin. Johnny wanted to cry but the pain suffocated him and his whole body throbbed. He struggled to get up and finally, with the strength only a storm trooper's son could have mustered, he rose to his feet. He took a deep breath, only to be hit again before there was time to exhale. The strike was equal in its precision and Johnny's right eye was removed.

Once again Johnny fell to his knees. Clutching his face with both hands, he thought of his mother and father. How ashamed they would be. The son of a storm trooper caught and punished for disobeying his mother and betraying all those who gave him Halloween treats. Johnny slumped into a disgraced pile of pity.

The wind howled.

Johnny thought of his father; what would a brave storm trooper do in such a predicament.

Johnny knew crying would not help. His father had explained how crying never resolved problems, not even little things like spilt milk and things of that nature. Johnny pondered his father's words. He felt if his current condition allowed the option of crying he just might, but only just in case. Johnny remembered his father saying, 'desperate times warrant desperate measures,' and Johnny never felt more desperate.

'Only the good die young.' Johnny's mind spun dizzily. The clichés were starting to get on his nerves. His mind throbbed as he sank closer to the ground in his weakening state.

By now a lesser boy would surely be at the pearly gates haggling with St. Peter. Johnny clutched his bulging bag of candy and an idea filled his leaking head. He reached into his bag, felt around and pulled out a large pale yellow jawbreaker. He quickly stuffed it into his right eye socket. Seconds later, he pulled out a blue speckled one from his bag and filled his left eye socket. The plan seemed to be working. The blood slowed to a trickle and then stopped completely.

Johnny laid still in the cold, thin air. His body was weak but he felt confident he'd pull through. Thoughts of death and angels were replaced with those of revenge and anger. In his blinded state, Johnny selected several Snickers candy bars from his bag and slowly ate them. The Snickers candy bars were easiest to distinguish from the rest because they were slightly larger than the other bars. Johnny did not want to risk a stomachache by mixing different candies. The Snickers candy bars restored some of Johnny's strength, but not at all like the commercials might have you think.

The sun rose slowly into the first day of November. Johnny was laying on his back in the frosted grass. He was still in the same place and position he was in after finishing his last Snickers candy bar a few hours ago. He raised his eyelids. They moved freely over the tear-stained jawbreakers. He laid still, staring at the cloudless blue sky. It was only a dream!

A dream. A dream? It was only a bad dream! Johnny jumped to his feet. He writhed around in excitement glaring at the world around him.

Johnny rubbed what he thought should be his eyes, only to push the jawbreakers deeper into his eye sockets. Fresh lines of blood squirted onto his heavily scabbed face. A stinging pain pierced through his body as he jerked his hands away from his face.

The jawbreakers were pushed back tight up against Johnny's face by the blood pressure. The bleeding stopped and the world slowly illuminated. Johnny stood gazing into the hazy world around him. He could not focus clearly but he could see. He pieced together what had happened the night before. He pieced it together over and over. Always arriving at the same conclusion: He had his eyes removed quite violently and was now standing around trying to focus two large jawbreakers. Johnny thought all of this to be very absurd. Too absurd even for a dream. He thought for a moment and then dismissed any and all ideas of pinching himself.

He looked down at his partially spilt bag of candy. Although he could not read any brand names the mass of it all brought a smile to his face. He proudly dropped to his hands and knees and scooped all the loose candy back into the bag. Johnny tightened the bag's drawstring when he was through and rose with confidence to his feet. He turned towards home and began walking.

Colored tears ran down Johnny's face when he faced the wind. He was very tired and his unclear vision irritated him. He found he could focus better on things at great distances and looked as far ahead as possible. This made his walk unnatural, but he continued with determination.

Three, maybe four, hours passed. The tiny sun was now high above and did little to warm the day. Johnny's home came into view. The road wound down a steep hill to where it stood. It still seemed to be quite a distance, but the sight alone quickened Johnny's tired pace.

Even with his heavy bag of candy slapping his back with every step he took, Johnny couldn't think of anything but his mother's piping hot, homemade soup. Although she bought the soup in cans from the supermarket, she made it special. In the past, Johnny had watched his mother make him the soup. He watched intently. He thought she might have been doctoring it in some way. He watched her several times, more times than he could put a number on. Johnny was always able to figure out the TV magicians' tricks, usually in the first viewing. There didn't appear to be anything extra going into the soup, and Johnny's mother didn't mind the intense investigations like a magician might. She just made it special - a mystery of life, Johnny figured.

Johnny's mind buzzed with pleasant memories of his past. His home grew closer with every step; everything was going to be all right.

Sirens filled the air as police cars raced past, and Johnny fell out of his daydreams. There were four cars and all of their lights were flashing in every direction as they squealed to a stop in front of fat William's house. Several police jumped from the cars and raced towards the house. He still could not see clearly. The blue figures signaled to themselves as they circled fat William's house. Johnny was on the other side of the street only a couple of houses away but was unnoticed. Johnny slowed and squinted. He could hear fat William's mother screaming and crying.

Johnny broke out into a nervous charge towards his home. Johnny passed the commotion still unnoticed by the policemen. The sudden movements caused by his running made small trickles of blood spit from Johnny's eye sockets. Johnny's vision grew cloudier as he ran, but he pressed on. Crossing his front lawn, he began to sprint with all his might. His depth perception was distorted and his vision was impaired. Still, he ran hard.

Missing the single step, cement slab porch by inches, Johnny tripped and flew face first into the solid oak door of his house.